flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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