i wish my penis had a tongue
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
