if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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