I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
