For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
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she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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