I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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