dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
