Betty ford says i'm here all night
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
