I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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