he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
