If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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