I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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