If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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