We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
