Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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