Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
