please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
