Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
