Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
