You work out of a Hotel?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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