I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
