I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
