I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
