Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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