If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
