I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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