i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
