So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
