That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
