I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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