I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
