Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
