yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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