god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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