I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm too high and old for this...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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