im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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