Everything about him screamed your future.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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