i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
