We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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