I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
