he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
