I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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