oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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