apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
