He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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