I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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