You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
