We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
