the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
