Four minutes until I can fart!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize