If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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