Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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