I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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