Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
