this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
