He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
