It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
