I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
