Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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