She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
