my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
