If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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