I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize