eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
