how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
