remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
