Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
