he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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