there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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