Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
