I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
