God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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