A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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